Communicating with an Aging Loved One
by Jay White-VCU Department of Gerontology
Challenges in communication transcend the generations. Aging does not necessarily mean an inability to communicate. However, as people age, there are often associated hearing, visual and cognitive challenges that change the way loved ones need to communicate in order to achieve a positive outcome. Following are just a few suggestions on healthy communication strategies with an aging loved one.
Minimize Distractions
- Don’t yell. Normal hearing loss (presbycusis) is part of normal aging. Our voices tend to pitch higher when we raise them. Older ears hear lower sounds more efficiently. Loud noises or high pitches are a distraction. Keep your hands away from your mouth. Don’t eat and talk at the same time. Minimize ambient noise. Make sure you are in a well-lit area.
Make Eye Contact
- Be on the same physical level. For example, do not stand up if the person is sitting down, and vice versa. Be close enough that the person can hear you, but make sure he or she is comfortable with you in their personal space.
Be Attentive to Non-Verbal Communication
- Non-verbal techniques are helpful for those with impaired speech or hearing. Use pictures or objects to help communicate. Nod your head “yes” or shake your head “no” to answer to a simple question. You can also use the tone of your voice or your facial expressions to emphasize a point. If he or she is amenable, use touch to complement your communication.
Repeat and Reframe, Don’t Confront
- Be prepared to repeat or reframe your conversation. Remain calm and patient. Another option is to make statements that are in the positive. For example, instead of saying, “Do not do that,” you can say, “Let’s do this instead.” These statements are non-aggressive ways of communicating. Also always meet your loved one where they are, not where you would like them to be. If he or should is experience some kind of dementia and experiences memory lapse or hallucination, don’t challenge. A good example is if an older adult is talking about a loved one who is deceased. Don’t be argumentative and remind them of their loved one’s passing. Reframe into a positive and consider asking your loved one to talk about the deceased, asking questions like “What did you like most about John?”
The most important part of communication with an aging loved one (or really any person) is to meet them where they are. In our fast-paced society, we tend to fly into a situation, unload, and fly back out, which can be entirely disruptive. Take a breath. Assess the situation. Plan Accordingly. Adapt.
ShareAbout the Author
Jay White is Director of Professional and Community Development for the VCU Department of Gerontology and is concurrently enrolled in the MS Program in Gerontology. Jay has a BA in American History from Washington and Lee University and completed coursework for an MA in American Studies at the College of William and Mary. Volunteer and professional initiatives include the Richmond Organization for Sexual Minority Youth (ROSMY), Family Lifelines ElderFriends Program, FETCH A Cure, the Virginia Pride Coalition, the READ Center, the Family of Friends Thanksgiving Feast, the River District Alliance, Rainbow Over Richmond, and many others. Jay is the author of Fundamentals: A Complete Guide to Starting and Developing a Community Service Initiative and Battling Southern Heritage: A History of African-Americans at Washington and Lee University. Jay has presented workshops on topics ranging from Dispute Resolution to LGBT and Aging.
2 Responses to Communicating with an Aging Loved One
These tips are wonderful. Even with eight straight years of caregiving experience, I learned something new –I didn’t realize that speaking on different levels affected hearing (standing / sitting)…your ending should be a daily mantra for good communications in any situation, beautifully said.
We are so glad you found it helpful! Thanks so much for your message!
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